Alright you little bags of bacteria. I assume you read the take warning statement, so welcome to my nutty website. However, like the head honcho in Under Siege 2 says, “assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.”
Think of this situation like that awkward morning after a one night stand. You’re like this is the piece of shit I was talking to at the bar last night? Welp, yup congrats! Your mom would be incredibly disappointed in you right now. Anyways, I digress, you are here because you want to be here and that is a huge red flag.
First of all, what the hell were you thinking? The prerequisites for this endeavor should at least be: calculus, physics, and chemistry. *Faaaarrrrtttttt noise*, if that were really the case, then none of you would be here. Am I right? Or, maybe you do know a thing or two about those topics and you want to see if I know what the fuck I’m talking about. In either case you are here and that is the first step to admitting to yourself that you have a problem.
The problem is you want more, but you find yourself questioning your new found desire. You’re asking yourself, what is this undiscovered feeling that keeps powering me along word by word? Do I want to be a nerd? Am I already a nerd? Wait, am I a poseur? There is only one person in the universe that knows the answers to those questions and it ain’t me, but right now you are looking pretty fucking intelligent, I’ll tell you that much.
However, if you have been struggling to figure out how to become a nerd, well then today is your lucky day! This little adventure won’t cost you a dime. All you have to do is spread the word about your new best friend, Nord the Nerd.
That’s right, what I’m going to give you can’t be bought. It can only be earned. However, keep in mind you are getting in on the ground floor with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So if you want to be one of Nord’s original nerds, you have a lot of fucking work to do. So help a nerd out and tell every single goddamned person that you know about how amazing, intelligent, and handsome I am.
As for my social media presence, I despise social media…IMO it really fucked things up here on planet earth. So even the thought of using social media makes me want to shit my shorts, but if I have to do it, I fucking will. By now you have probably spent enough time on planet earth to realize that just about everyone you know is a hypocrite, including myself. Like my old biology professor always used to say, “don’t be too quick to jump on the train and don’t be too quick to jump off the train.”
This is the beauty of science. We can change our minds when we are presented with new evidence, we are not held hostage by nonsensical conviction. Many of you will struggle to make it to what I consider to be true nerd status. It’s okay though, the struggle will build character! Think of me as a mascot for science that the world has always needed. Stop assuming that everything is going to be okay because it won’t be. It’s time to learn a little bit about science and commiserate with your fellow nerds. Welcome to the motherfucking thunderdome.